Our Friends at The Family Institute at Northwestern University shares with Family Tip on Emotions

Source:  http://www.family-institute.org/about-us/tip-of-the-month/

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2016

Naming Emotions

Your daughter comes home in tears. She can barely choke out words to describe the mean things some girls said to her on the school bus. You listen to her story and try to comfort her. If you're really skilled, you'll offer her attunement (Are You Okay? March, 2014).

After a couple months practicing for his first driver's license, your son fails the behind-the-wheel test at the motor vehicle department. On the way home, you sense his distress as he complains about the unfair examiner and how he deserved to pass. You try to comfort him.

Recent research suggests that there's something else -- something enormously helpful -- that you can do that may reduce the intensity and duration of a child's distress: coach your kids to identify and name the specific emotions they're feeling during moments of emotional pain.

Studies have found that when people identify and specifically name their emotions, they are "less likely to be overwhelmed in stressful situations."i That's because when we use precise labels for our feelings, we understand more about what's happening to us emotionally, which then can lead to identifying a smart (and healthy) course of action. Clearly labeled emotions become easier to regulate ("I'm sad" rather than "I feel bad," or "I'm disappointed" rather than "I'm really bummed out"). Once we know the feeling we're dealing with, we can tailor our response to it rather than just fall back on the customary habits we rely on in order to feel better (especially unhealthy habits like erupting into anger, turning to alcohol, bottling up the pain, bingeing on food, etc.)

People skilled at naming their feelings have been found to drink 40% less alcohol when stressedii, and are 20% to 50% less likely to retaliate with verbal or physical aggression against someone who has hurt them.iii Impressive evidence exists that teaching school-aged children to expand their understanding and use of precise emotion words improves both their social behavior as well as their academic performance.iv

If we're going to teach our kids to speak the language of emotions, we're going to need to speak the language ourselves. It doesn't require a huge lexicon; angry, sad, hurt, afraid, upset, disappointed, discouraged, guilty, and ashamed are the basics. Incorporate those words into your vocabulary, and when your kids are distressed, coach them to do the same.

i Kashdan, T.B., L.F. Barrett, P.E., McKnight. "Unpacking emotion differentiation: transforming unpleasant experience by perceiving emotion differentiation." Current Directions in Psychological Science, February 2015 vol. 24 no. 1, pp.10-16. doi: 10.1177/0963721414550708.

ii Kashdan, T. B., P. Ferssizidis, R.L. Collins, & M. Muraven. "Emotion differentiation as resilience against excessive alcohol use: An ecological momentary assessment in underage social drinkers." Psychological Science, 21, 2010. 1341-1347.

iii Pond, R. S., T.B. Kashdan, C.N. Dewall,  A.A. Savostyanova, N.M. Lambert, & F.D. Fincham. "Emotion differentiation buffers aggressive behavior in angered people: A daily diary analysis." Emotion, 12, 2012. 326-337.

iv Brackett, M. A., S.E. Rivers, M.R. Reyes, & P. Salovey. "Enhancing academic performance and social and emotional competence with the RULER feeling words curriculum." Learning and Individual Differences, 22, 2012, 218-224.

(c)2016

Patrick Donohue: Study Skills Now, Life Skills Forever: The Tools to Help Your Child Achieve - GPS Oct 17 event

K Parmar, a Glenbard North parent, offers this takeaway from GPS Oct 17 event featuring Patrick Donohue:

Pat's 5 Things Good Students Do--it's unfortunate when students do not have a good understanding on how their course grade is structured and what matters to the teacher, because this can literally make or break their grade for the semester no knowing what their overall grade consists of especially if teachers use categories. I was also impressed with the Pomodoro Timing and his Rewrite Shorty Notes techniques, and it's something I will have my children try to implement as part of their study skills.

As a parent, it's important when our children hit that bottom of the curve as Pat stated, that we take time to support and encourage our children to continue to face it, work hard, be persistent, be present, and give their all even when the outcome is unknown. It's important to help our children realize that they are going to be successful and the outcome is likely to be positive when they've prepared in this manner.

As parents, it's also important fir us to keep "failing"and "failure" separate and help our children understand the differences between the two as we encourage a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset.

And my final takeaway from tonight: Besides the 5 things good students do to be successful in academics, much of Pat's presentation was on how to parent in an encouraging and supportive manner so that our children are motivated to be successful, and to develop and sustain a growth mindset throughout their lives, not just in academics in high school and college!

Patrick Donohue’s Red Zone Fathering

Dr. David Yeager Speaks at GPS events on October 10 and 11

As we know, to achieve, we need more than inborn ability—we need the right mindset. Dr David Yeager a leading expert in grit, performance, and the growth mindset: the belief that we can change and make progress, spoke to parents and school staff on Oct 10 and 11. He studies the ways students feel like they belong and are respected; that their work is relevant and purposeful; and that they can overcome setbacks and continue to improve.

David Yeager is an experimental development psychologist in the department of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin. In his academic research, he examines the causes of and solutions to adolescent learning such as academic achievement, stress, cheating, trust, and bullying. He focuses on adolescence as a place where there is great opportunity (and risk) for young people’s trajectories.

In May 2014, he was the subject of a major New York Times Magazine article (“Who Gets to Graduate?”) by Paul Tough (a former GPS speaker).  He has co-authored work on grit with Angela Duckworth and on growth mindset with his collaborator (and another former GPS speaker)  Carol Dweck. Dr. Yeager recently chaired a national summit on mindset interventions at the White House. His work appears regularly in places like The New York Times, The Atlantic, Scientific American, The Wall Street Journal, The Guardian, and beyond.


Check out some of his most recent articles here

New York Times article: Teaching Teenagers to Cope With Social Stress

New York Times article: Can Teenage Defiance Be Manipulated for Good?


Dr. Yeager is interested in understanding the processes shaping adolescent development to create positive or negative trajectories for youth.  He is also interested in learning how to influence these psychological processes, so as to improve educational outcomes for all young people and transform their lives for the better. Yeager's research shows we need to change our perceptions about failure. To be challenged is to grow skills for today and tomorrow. We need to do all we can to instill a growth mindset and not a fixed mindset. Check out the book Mindset by David's mentor Carol Dweck.

Other resources for David Yeager:

Presentation Notes, GPS event - David Yeager on Motivating Teens

The College Transition Collaborative

Mindset Scholars Network

David Yeager, University of Texas, Austin

Devorah Heitner on her book "Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in the Digital Age"

 The Glenbard Parent Series hosted Devorah Heitner in a presentation based on her book Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (and Survive) in the Digital Age on Sept. 28 at Glenbard West.

Glendale Heights Police Office Michele Cahill appreciated the suggestion that even if parents don't know how a device operates they can be more explicit about teaching kids what to do rather than what not to do. We as adults may not always have the technology "expertise" but we do have the knowledge base and life experience to offer ground rules, and support. 

When kids say "You don’t know what I’m going through” a good response is “You’re right, I haven’t lived through that, but I have lived through conflict and resolved it." When on the phone adults should consider explaining to their kids what they are dong. Its a chance to offer guidance-which in the teen years means listening more than speaking.

Glenbard East parent Don Westerholm appreciated that we need to mentor rather then monitor and also model good technology behaviors A true mentor  is interested in what their mentee(child) can do (with technology) and shows interest. Ask questions; ask the child to help you with your privacy settings; watch them engage in their favorite technology outlets (e.g., your child may be famous in their World of Warcraft circle or YouTube channel, and you might not even know it!)



Web site for Raising Digital Natives

Parent Notes from "Screenwise" with Devorah Heitner

Temple Grandin speaks on "Different... Not Less" at GPS September 21 event

What an honor to host Temple Grandin at the GPS on Sept 21 with  almost 2500 participants in attendance!

Dr Temple Grandin explained the need for different kinds of minds  and reminded us to  get away from labels and  focus on improving outcomes.

She shared common sense career advise for people on the spectrum- create a portfolio, and consider the trades she also reminded us of the need to stench our students to expose them to real world experiences.

Take Away 

"As a school psychologist, Dr. Grandins advice to "stretch"  young people's minds and not get stuck on labels in order to promote students' self development resonated with my overall professioanl goals. I plan on having her advice present as a springboard to thinking outside the box when working with multi needs students and families. "

-- Mariana Proske, Ed.S., NCSP

Video of Temple Grandin GPS event

If you would like to see Temple Grandin's presentation Different Not Less/Different Kinds of Minds: the Autistic Brain, you may watch video of her Glenbard Parent Series presentation here.

Resources

Temple Grandin's web site

4-H Club of DuPage County

Daily Herald Article: Grandin gives advice to students on the autism spectrum

My Suburban Life Article on this GPS event

Conquering the Challenges of College Costs with Frank Palmasani

The Glenbard Parent Series: (GPS) Navigating Healthy Families presented Conquering the Challenges of College Costs with Frank Palmasani on Saturday, Sept. 17. Glenbard West parent Kimberly Dikker shared the following take away:

"This was a valuable program filled with important information, great examples and access to free websites to guide you through the entire paying-for-college process.  As a senior parent I appreciated learning about the earlier deadline for this year's FAFSA."
  
Links to the handouts from the Financial Aid Seminar:

Conquering College Costs 2016 presentation slides

College Categories 2016

Financial Fit Handout 2016

Sample Family (table format)      Sample Family 2016 (xls format)

Steps to Follow to Create Price Comparisons

The Planning Phase 2016

Sticker Price Reductions 2016

The Execution Phase 2016

List of Videos and Links 2016

Audio Interview: Author Frank Palmasani, joins Jim Paris Live (2016)

Event Details 

http://www.glenbardgps.org/event/conquering-the-challenges-of-college-costs-2/

Dr. Laura Koehler on Coping Strategies to Regulate Anxiety

Glenbard North school counselor Julie Shannon (left) attended the GPS program with Dr Laura Koehler (right) entitled Coping Strategies to Regulate Anxiety: An Introduction to Distress Tolerance on September 15

"This was a great workshop from a knowledgeable presenter who shared both useful and practical tips. Dr Koehler suggested in order to regulate your emotions, you should take the opposite action of your emotion. If you have fear, do what you're afraid of.  Or, if you're angry, do something nice for someone. If you're sad, get active. Validate the negative and move forward."

View the power point and video here:

Video of this event with Dr. Laura Koehler

Presentation Slides from this event Dr. Laura Koehler 9/15/16 pdf

Author Rebecca Skloot speaks at Glenbard Family Read

A packed Glenbard West auditorium of students, parents and staff from throughout the area had the pleasure of hearing insight and inspiration from Rebecca Skloot author of The  Immortal Life of Henrieta  Lacks last  week.  

Parent, librarian share GPS takeaways

Glenbard South Librarian

Diane Mankowski 

On Aug. 25, the Glenbard Parent Series hosted author Rebecca Skloot in a presentation based on her award-winning book and Glenbard Family Read “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks.” Glenbard South Librarian Diane Mankowski shared the following takeaway: “Rebecca Skloot inspired students to be curious, ask questions of experts and when writing to "show" the story by sharing details without judgment. Always be aware of the "what!?", and then follow through to get the answer. For those of us who work with young people she reminded us that you never know how the things you say will impact others.”

Glenbard South parent Jennifer Bair 

and her daughter Sophie

Glenbard South parent Jennifer Bair said, “We loved hearing the background and updates on this amazing story and hearing about Skloot's relationship with the Lacks family. It was interesting to hear about how her awareness of their experience changed her for the better. The author's journey from a troubled start in high school to finding her path as a science writer was fascinating, inspiring and helpful.”

Resources

YouTube interview with Skloot


Rebecca Skloot's Web Site

Rebecca Skloot Facebook 

Smithsonian: CRACKING THE CODE OF THE HUMAN GENOME Henrietta Lacks’ ‘Immortal’ Cells 

Th Henrietta Lacks Foundation

Event Summary - Author Skloot Shares the True Immortality of Glenbard Family Read

GPS is off to a great start for the 2016-17 school year. Circle your calendar now and join us.

The conversation about sexual assault is not just for those of college age. This article urges parents and schools to start early and often. Lean more here.

http://www.npr.org/2016/08/09/487497208/to-prevent-sexual-assault-schools-and-parents-start-lessons-early#

NPR Social Tools

To Prevent Sexual Assault, Schools And Parents Start Lessons Early

While most college students go through courses aimed at preventing campus sexual assault, advocates say it's too little, too late. Some are pushing for similar efforts as early as elementary school.

Listen

Mark your calendar for these great upcoming events

Starting off the year strong with seven speakers in August and September, including nationally renown Temple Grandin, Rebecca Skloot and Nicole Detling.