On Jan. 12 and 13, the Glenbard Parent Series hosted Phyllis Fagell author of "Middle School Matters: The 10 Key Skills Kids Need to Thrive in Middle School and Beyond." The Jan 12 event included parents along with Superintendents and Principals from area school districts 15, 16, 41, 44, 89, and 93. On Jan 13, Fagell presented to educational professionals on “How to Bring Out the Best in Kids Ages 9-15."
Middle school years can be low-stakes training ground to teach kids the key skills they’ll need to thrive now and in the future, including making good friend choices, negotiating conflict, regulating their own emotions, acting as their own advocates, and more. Phyllis Fagell is a licensed clinical professional counselor, certified professional school counselor, author and journalist. She has worked in both public and private schools with students in grades K-12. She currently works full time as the school counselor for Sheridan School in Washington, D.C. Fagell is the author of “Middle School Matters” and a journalist. She’s a frequent contributor to the Washington Post, focusing on counseling, parenting and education.
Take-Aways
Our kids need us more than ever, even as they push us away. Expect mistakes, but maintain high expectations, offer consistent love and validate their feeling. Share your calm/optimism/humor and your mistakes/failures. Our students need agency and influence. To help them develop the problem-solving skills they need, while giving them latitude to make mistakes that kids will make, ask "Was that your best self?" (rather than "What's wrong with you?" or "Why did you do that”? ) Reframing that conversation has a much more productive outcome. The question gives them an opportunity to reflect on their dispositions, attitudes, values and behaviors without condemning their actions. Reinforce your child's image as someone who will do the right thing. Model risk-taking, curiosity, collaboration and creativity. Give them a path forward when they make an error.
Caroline Andres former D87 parent and 7th grade teacher at Simmons Middle School in East Aurora attend the virtual event and shared the following takeaway from the Jan 13 event “How to Bring Out the Best in Kids Ages 9-15”.
“Ms. Fagell helped me remember how emotionally vulnerable and insecure this age group can be. Help them understand friendships are fragile and often not reciprocated. If your child has social deficits wok on social skills such as seamlessly entering a conversation or asking questions rather than trying to impress. Kids tend to overestimate social risk, so they need to feel seen but not judged. Model self-compassion rather than self-criticism. Ask them if there is a trusted adult they can go to in time of need. Ask “How would you advise a friend". She also offered, when students feel left out, have them play the maybe game, asking: What are five alternative explanations that could be a reason you were not included? Think STEP: State the problem, Think about alternative solutions, Explore the solutions, Problem solve together”.
