Madeline Levine, a frequent GPS presenter,
is hosted in this
important article.
Friday, November 28, 2014
GPS has hosted speakers from the Family Instititute in the
past. Here they share tips for a true apology useful for couples AND
teens!
http://www.family-institute.org/
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NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2014
A True Apology
Who among us doesn't sometimes say the wrong thing or
act in a way that triggers -- even accidentally -- a spouse's hurt feelings? And
who among us, after a misstep, doesn't want to be forgiven? We want our partner
to move on without harboring ill will. Research has found that an authentic
apology increases the likelihood of being forgiven, and reduces feelings of
anger in the "injured" spouse. It seems that we're viewed as a more valuable
partner through our acts of apology, and our injured spouse feels less risk of
being hurt again if we
apologize.1
But a proper apology can be a tricky thing. Many of us say,
"I'm sorry if you felt badly" or "I'm sorry if I upset you." Why
the "if"? The "if" conveys that we're not sure we believe that our
partner's feelings are really hurt. Or the "if" conveys that we're not sure we
did anything wrong. Apologies with an "if" usually leave an injured spouse
feeling dissatisfied or disappointed.
"I'm sorry that you feel this way" is another common
expression that doesn't cut it as an authentic apology. In this wording, too,
there's no acknowledgement that we did anything wrong, which is precisely what an injured spouse
wants to hear.
A true apology begins with three words: either "I'm sorry I
..." or "I apologize for ..." A true apology acknowledges that something I
said,or something I did, was insensitive or unkind or triggered hurt,
fear, embarrassment or humiliation. (The fact that the outcome -- our partner's
distress -- may have been unintentional on our part doesn't preclude the need
for an apology.)
Here are some well-phrased apologies:
Without the three words -- "I'm sorry I ..." or "I apologize
for ..." -- an apology is unlikely to promote the kind of forgiveness that heals
emotional wounds and helps partners move past those tough moments all couples
encounter.
____________________________________________
1McCullough, Michael E. et al. "Conciliatory
gestures promote human forgiveness and reduce anger in humans." Proceedings
of the National Academy of Sciences. Volume 111 Number 30, pages
11211-11216.
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Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Thanksgiving is a time when many teens engage in risky behavior. Learn what you can do....
Mothers Against Drunk Driving refers to the Wednesday before
Thanksgiving as "Black Wednesday" one of the biggest drinking nights of the
year. It may be a time when many teens engage in risky behavior as college age
student reunite with friends in bars, house parties and restaurants. Learn what
you can do, in the following post by LEAD in Lake Forest, which is collaborating
with West Nation.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Monday, November 10, 2014
OFFERS NEW OPPORTUNITIES
Laurence Steinberg, PhD., November 4, 2014 GPS Event
There are
innumerable books written on the difficulties parents encounter when raising
teens. But try to find one book extolling the pleasures and virtues of the
task. Laurence Steinberg Ph.D., a leading expert in adolescence and professor
of psychology at Temple University, ought to know. He’s written seventeen books
and hundreds of articles on teen development.
Now in his
new book Age of Opportunity – Lessons
from the New Science of Adolescence Steinberg wants parents to see this
time in their lives as an opportunity to embrace and enjoy the changes
occurring with their children.
In a two
hour midafternoon presentation on November 4th at Glenbard South High
School Steinberg offered educators and parents the benefit of his forty plus
years of experience. He began with the sobering fact that there is a real
disconnect between what science tells us of adolescence and how it is portrayed
in our popular culture. The United States doesn’t “deal well with adolescence.”
Steinberg explains, “American teens lead the world in obesity, binge drinking, illicit drug use and STDs.”
Girls are
developing into puberty by age twelve. A century ago they didn’t reach puberty
until fourteen and one half. Boys are also maturing two full years earlier than
a century ago. Several factors are at play, including increases in obesity and
the use of chemicals in our environment. Even the increase in children’s
exposure to light, which affects the levels of melatonin they produce, has had
an impact.
Conversely,
it is taking longer for children to move from adolescence to adulthood. Why?
Because teens are staying in school longer, are financially dependent on their
parents longer, and they are taking longer to marry and have children of their
own. As a result, adolescence for today’s children lasts about fifteen years,
which is two times longer then it did when their parents were adolescents.
What
science has discovered about the adolescent brain can help parents to better
understand the changes their teens are experiencing. Generally, during
adolescence people have deeper and richer recollections than at any other time
in their lives. They remember the books they read, the music they listened to,
the movies they saw. This occurs because of the adolescent brain’s neuroplasticity.
Steinberg
explains that during adolescence the brain is still being “built.” It is
transforming itself and is the last time when the brain will ever be that
flexible. In adulthood the brain loses its elasticity. Steinberg uses the
analogy of the difference between being able to remodel or redecorate a house.
Different
parts of the adolescent brain are more elastic at different times. The
pre-frontal cortex, which is responsible for executive functions like planning,
self-regulation and decision-making, is the last to develop.
Steinberg
believes that self-control is most important to development. Adolescents who
exhibit self-control are happier, succeed more often and have better
relationships. This factor translates into how economists have determined the
four basic rules for avoiding poverty.
1.
Graduate from high school.
2.
Don’t have a child before marriage.
3.
Don’t break the law.
4.
Don’t be idle.
In other words, self-control is the best protection against
negative or risky behavior.
Puberty has
many affects on the brain. It makes the brain more “elastic” which aides in the
acceptance of new information. Also, dopamine is released in greater quantities
at this time intensifying emotions and pleasurable experiences. That is why
teens become “sensation seeking.” They will seek an experience even if there is
risk because the “reward center” in the brain is so activated but the frontal
cortex is still not fully developed. As Steinberg puts it, “Adolescents engage
in risky behavior, not because they are not informed but because they have no
braking system.” To help parents cope with adolescent behavior Steinberg
asserts that we need to “change the context in which adolescents live and not
try to change adolescents.”
As an
example of what he means, Steinberg explains that teen smoking has declined,
not because of adults teaching teens about the health risks but because the
cost went up thus making it harder for teens to obtain cigarettes.
Another
example Steinberg uses is the Graduated Driver’s License program in the State
of Illinois. Teen driving fatalities have fallen, not because we are teaching
them better of the risks of driving but because we have changed the way they
can obtain a driver’s license.
Steinberg
points out that, statistically, the most dangerous time of the day for teens is
between the hours three p.m. to six p.m. when they are least likely to be
monitored by an adult. During these hours teens are more likely to use illicit
drugs, engage in sex or engage in delinquent behavior. One way to curb this
behavior would be to offer after-school programs for teens so that they can be
engaged in productive activities.
Steinberg
maintains that looking at brain science should help shape public policy. He
believes that if we know adolescents can’t think like adults yet then we
shouldn’t be charging them as adults when a crime is committed. If a teen
remains in the juvenile justice system he or she has a better chance of getting
the counseling needed to change behavior.
We know
that American teens do not perform scholastically as well as teens in other
developed countries. This has been attributed to a lack of demand of high
schools students. There is a lack of “rigor” in their coursework. Only one out
of six students’ in high school reports taking a challenging class. Most report
that school is too easy and boring. To help teens parents need to encourage
them to take harder courses and to challenge themselves.
For their
frontal cortex to develop adolescents need to develop determination,
perseverance, and grit. That can only happen when they are challenged and along
the road experience failure and learn to stick with something.
Steinberg
explains that the adolescent brain remains elastic when it is introduced to
“novelty.” He says, “In adulthood we trade a life from unpredictability to
predictability. If a person in his or her twenties can stay in situations that
lend to new experiences it will prolong the brain’s plasticity.”
Above all, Steinberg
wants us to stop thinking of adolescence as a problem and more of an
opportunity. To do that he recommends the following:
1.
Spread the word that adolescence is a time of
brain growth. Resources and funds should be used for adolescents as much as it
is for preschoolers.
2.
We need to better educate parents on how to
parent adolescents.
3.
Make school more challenging for all students.
4.
Realign laws so that they make sense when
dealing with adolescents.
5.
Stop making adolescence a race to get to
adulthood. Make this time more stimulating and challenging for teens.
There are
so many positive experiences to embrace during adolescence. Focusing on those
can make the challenges seem less so.
By Suzanne Burdett
Glenbard parent and freelance writer
A Message from Christine Carter on Teen Gratitude
Gratitude Day will be celebrated again this year at all
Glenbard Schools on Nov 19 after school in the school cafeterias .
An article by former GPS speaker Christine Carter (with
reference to another GPS speaker Mike Riera) gives suggestions for parents to
foster gratitude with their teens'. Link below:
... from
Monday, November 3, 2014
TOMORROW: November 4GPS Event featuring Dr. Laurence Steinbergy, Ph.D.
Age of Opportunity: A Practical Workshop for Parents
Please join us on Tuesday, November
4, 2014, for a GPS presentation by Dr. Laurence Steinberg, Age of Opportunity : A Practical Workshop for
Parents, from noon until 2:00 p.m. at GLENBARD SOUTH. When parents are asked
to name the most difficult periods in their child’s development, the teen years
usually are at the top of the list. But with a better understanding of how and
why your child is changing during the transition into and through adolescence,
you can become a more effective parent, reduce the amount of conflict you and
your teenager have, help your teenager develop in positive ways, and maintain
your own equanimity.
In this workshop, Laurence Steinberg, Ph.D., one of
the world’s leading authorities on adolescence, will provide an overview of the
major physical, intellectual, social, and emotional changes that take place as
children move into and through adolescence. You will gain an understanding of
how your teenager thinks, why his or her behavior is changing, how your
relationship is being transformed, and how all of this is affecting parents’ own
well-being.
Links for Dr. Laurence Steinberg:
NPR: Q&A: Plumbing The Mysteries Of The Teenage Brain
Time Magazine: Injuries. Stress. Divided Attention. Are Coaches Damaging Our Kids?
Getting Smart: Changes in the Student Brain: A Review of Age of Opportunity
Website: Dr. Laurence Steinberg
Thursday, October 30, 2014
The Homestretch
“A compelling take on a heartbreaking issue."
Youth Homelessness in Chicago
Please come to a screening of one of this year’s MUST SEE FILMS.
The Homestretch follows the lives of three young people - two of whom are clients of Chicago's Teen Living Program (TLP) - as they persevere in the of face extraordinary challenges and defy the odds to create hopeful futures for themselves.
Date: Sunday November 16, 2014
Time: 4 – 6 PM
(Doors open at 3:30, and show will begin promptly at 4:00)
Location: The Glen Art Theatre
540 Crescent Blvd.
Glen Ellyn, IL 60137
630-469-1976
RSVP to Nicole at nmeunier@teenliving.org or 312-568-5700 ext. 226
Please bring socks or snacks for TLP’s holiday drive!
November is Homeless Youth Awareness Month!
THE HOMESTRETCH, a 90 minute documentary film is premiering
at The Glen Art Theatre. This documentary will help put faces on those trying to overcome youth
homelessness in our area… so please take advantage of this documentary screening
to learn more!
Trailer for this documentary can be found at: http://vimeo.com/77430311
For more information on ending Youth Homelessness in Chicago please check out: Teen Living Programs www.tlpchicago.org.
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
HGNA Presents
Coach Joe Ehrmann
HGNA is hosting Joe Ehrmann, a former NFL player and author, this Sunday from 7-8 p.m. at Downers Grove North. The presentation will be a very inspirational message for anyone who works with youth (especially coaches) – to ensure we are building people for the future and not just focusing on the win.
As a part of its parenting series, HGNA is honored to host Coach Joe Ehrmann for this one-time event while he is in town working with the Chicago Bears! Whether you are a coach, parent, teacher or director of a student activity, Coach Joe Ehrmann has an important message for you.
A former NFL player, founder of Coach for America, and named by Parade Magazine as "The Most Important Coach in America," Coach Ehrmann travels the globe to share his inspirational message of instructing and mentoring with empathy and integrity -- and the very important role of coaches and influential adults in the lives of young people.
REGISTRATION NOTE: High school students are FREE. Send an email to info@hgna.org with student's name to reserve a seat. Student ID required.
HGNA challenges the
negative images and information bombarding girls today, while offering support
and education to their parents. For more information, please go to: http://www.hgna.org/
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